Withered Petals
by Neko Oni
Summary: Illusions shattered, Hinamori is left with the shards of reality. Piecing her life back together, she struggles to find where she fits into Shirochan's. aka Hitsugaya. HitsuHina, HitsuMatsu
1. Chapter 1

Woot, my first ficcie with Hina and Hitsu. This is my take on their relationship- which, by the way, doesn't always have to be romantic- and I've also explored a new level of Matsu and Hitsu's relationship here. And no, Hitsu isn't two-timing them here- he's WAY to honorable and innocent and cute for something like that!

**NOTE: This used to be titled "A Little Too Late", but inspiration fell like a brick - well, to be more precise, my brother's baseball- on my head this morning, and I've re-vamped this fic a little. I also added a poem I wrote a while ago, and after inspiration struck me- quite painfully, might I add!- the poem, which I modified a bit, seemed to fit rather well.**

**SUMMARY: Hinamori realizes Aizen never loved her, but is she too late to find the one who did?**

**PAIRINGS: ****one-sided Hina/Hitsu, Matsu/Hitsu**

**WARNINGS: brief nudity and references to sex**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach, and I make no money off of this. But I do own the poem! Cuz I wrote it! O**

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**WITHERED PETALS **(previously titled "A Little Too Late")

**By Neko Oni**

_The peach blossom has died._

_No longer does she bloom for us._

_I watched as her petals,_

_once so soft and warm with life,_

_became dry and crackling dust,_

_then fell one by one_

_into the cold, blackened ashes_

_where the maggots fester._

_- Neko Oni_

Hinamori lay in her bed at home, alone with her thoughts in the dim room. She'd been released from fourth division's care about three weeks ago. She was slowly building her strength back up after her long stay in fourth division; it wasn't just her physical health she was building back up. Once released, she had bed rest for one week, the next she had been allowed limited movement around her apartment, and now she was allowed out for brief walks.

And she knew where she wanted to go on her first one. Hitsugaya Toshirouu. She smiled softly- she'd go see him. Time to make amends, start over. Pick up the pieces and live again. Smiling, she let her mind wander over all that had happened. All the truths she'd learned, lying in that sick bed all those months…

Aizen had never loved her. She was nothing but a tool to him. He never even cared a teensy drop about her- he wasn't even remotely fond of her, like one would be of a pet. No, she was lower than a dog, than a goldfish, in his eyes. She was a tool- an inanimate object like a pen or toilet paper, to be used and discarded at will.

Pathetic thing was, it had taken her this long to realize it. All those months, day in, day out, of lying on her sick bed after waking from the coma left her with nothing to do but think. And think she had. She'd gone through her heart, arguing with it, trying to kill her devotion and love to a traitor. A murderer.

Her mind and heart had reeled against that. Aizen had been her world, the only one she'd seen. Yes, that world was a lie, but she'd loved that lie with all of her being. Even when he'd miraculously came back from the dead, she didn't question it. Her love for him came first. Surely, her adored, beloved Aizen-sama had a good reason to get her to try and kill her best friend since childhood. It hadn't mattered- Aizen was back, alive.

And he'd tried to kill her, and Toushiro. Upon awakening, she'd made excuses for that, too. There had to be a good reason. Maybe, Ichimaru had forced Aizen into it. Aizen had left because, surely, he must be spying on Ichimaru. He was still one of them. Aizen-sama was brave, noble. Yes, Aizen-taichou couldn't have turned traitor. Hinamori had adamantly clung to those beliefs.

Until Matsumoto brought reality thundering down upon her. Those delusions shattered around Hinamori's pretty little ears. For once, the vivacious, buxom fukutaichou of the tenth division had been grim and silent, almost remorseful, as she handed Hinamori medical reports she'd knicked from Unohana.

Hinamori read her own medical report with trembling fingers, but it was when she saw Hitsugaya's that her heart finally broke, and the tears poured, smearing the months old ink and neat, meticulously printed kanji. No one had told Hinamori how bad it was- everyone tip-toed around her, fearful for her fragile state of mind. Only Matsumoto had the balls to step up and show her the truth.

Along with the report, Matsumoto had also included graphic, gruesome photos of the young taichou. Hitsugaya laying in a puddle of his own blood, big turquoise eyes dull as his life ebbed away. Hitsugaya limp, looking very child-like and fragile, hooked up to many machines such as a respirator and Ivs. Close ups of Hitsugaya's wounds- thread holding the delicate, pale flesh together; fluid leaking out; the skin around an infected site puffy and an angry red.

Aizen-sama had done that. His hands, his blade, had spilled her dear Shirou-chan's blood. Photos and reports fell to the floor as Hinamori had cried, braking into helpless sobs in Matsumoto's arms. The bigger fukutaichou had held her, stroking her hair while Hinamori screamed Aizen's and Toshirouu's names over and over.

Once she'd cried herself out, Matsumoto tucked her in, gathered the scattered, stolen medical documents and photos, and went to leave. "Why?" Hinamori asked softly. Why would Matsumoto show her something so painful- something that broke her heart?

Matsumoto's cornflower blue eyes had been bright with sorrow as she looked at the pitiful wreck of a scrawny fukutaichou over her shoulder. "Because I can't stand seeing Shirou-chan in pain. Seeing you like this pains him. And I couldn't think of any other way to wake you." Then she'd left.

Hinamori hadn't understood her words then, but she did now. She'd awakened to the truth. Aizen was a traitor. A killer. But it still hurt her torn heart. So, she tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about him, all the times they'd spent together, how close they'd been. How close she thought they'd been, anyway. It was all lies.

Her thoughts turned to the good old days, when her life had been filled with truth. With love. She thought of the boy she'd grown up with. The boy who'd protected her, who loved her. At Shinigami Academy, she'd made friends with Abarai and Izuru, but Toshirouu had always been closest to her heart. Until Aizen-sama entered. Now, nearly free of her former taichou, the adorable, teal-eyed boy filled her thoughts, as he'd done in her pre-Aizen days.

But the beautiful boy who haunted her dreams never materialized before her in the flesh. He never came to visit. No one did. Well, there had been a few, but they were rare and far between. Kira came to see her when she first woke up.

He'd been deeply depressed and nervous- he came not out of desire for her well-being, but to commiserate with the only other person in Soul Society who still felt loyalty to a traitor. Matsumoto was strong- she'd buried her hurt by Gin and moved on. Hinamori and Kira weren't so fortunate, so Kira had come to her in hopes they could lick their wounds together.

Staring up at the ceiling, Hinamori smiled sadly. Guess she hadn't been much help there. Kira hadn't been to see her since. The only visitor she ever got was Matsumoto, and that was only once every few months. Her bubbly personality was strained, suppressed. Matsumoto didn't want to see her- the blonde was only there because of Toshirouu. But she stubbornly never said a word about the tenth division taichou. When Hinamori asked, Matsumoto would just shake her head and leave.

There was something hidden in those blue, blue eyes. Something Matsumoto was too kind to say. It was blame. Hinamori begged and pleaded with her for a word- anything- on how her dear Shirou-chan was doing. Once, after Hinamori had a major bout of tears, Matsumoto had said, very, very reluctantly, "He's hurting. And not from Aizen's blade."

Those words and that look had been her undoing. She had tried to kill her best friend. She threw away all their years together, turned on him without batting an eyelash. Never once did she question Aizen-sama. Of course he was right- he was her Aizen-sama. If he wanted Hitsugaya dead, then she'd kill him. Anything for Aizen-sama.

That was the old Hinamori; the one who loved Aizen, who was under his spell. This Hinamori was a free shinigami. Her heart was her own, and she was going to give it to Hitsugaya. She knew he'd never hurt her.

Hinamori slid the door to her apartment open, closing her eyes and inhaling the crisp, fresh air. It had been so long since she'd been outside. The day seemed extra sweet. She smoothed her pink yukata, checked her plain brown hair was still in its pastel yellow clip before she skipped off to search for her Shirou-chan, heart on her sleeve, ready to give it to him.

Tbc…

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Reviews and comments are always appreciated! What's your take on Hina/Hitsu and Matsu/Hitsu?


	2. Chapter 2

Several hours later, her high spirits had withered. She couldn't find him anywhere. Not in his office, not in his apartment, nor under his favorite tree. Sniffling in disappointment, she trudged back to the complex that housed fifth division. On the way, she passed tenth division's barracks. She stared sadly at Hitsugaya's closed window, as if waiting for him to magically appear before her eyes.

Sighing in defeat, head hung, she rounded a corner and went down a level. Matsumoto's window was open- she was home. She was sure to know where Shirou-chan was. At the very least, hopefully, she wouldn't mind some company. Hinamori sure could use some.

Wiping her eyes with her sleeves, she stepped close to the door and was just about to knock when she heard voices. Her heart dropped; Matsumoto had company. Male company. That wasn't surprising- this was Matsumoto, afterall.

The woman was renowned across Seireitei for her savage, skillful lovemaking. Many men had graced her bed- her liaisons were no secret. Everyone from Ichimaru to Byakuya had dallied there. Of all who could have been in there, Hinamori never expected to hear HIS voice.

Hinamori's face flushed red, thinking of the activities within. Tears welled in her brown eyes, and the hand raised to knock clenched in her yukata, right over her heart. In her distress, her reiatsu spiked, but she suppressed it.

She could feel their familiar reiatsus, hear their voices, but she had to see if it was true with her own eyes. She needed visible proof before she would believe it. Wiping futilely at her tears, she crept to the window, heart thudding. Body pressed against the siding, she peeked in, lower lip quivering.

Matsumoto lay sprawled on her back on the bed, glorious body naked. Her long hair fanned out like a copper and gold halo. Her mountain-sized breasts rose and fell with her relaxed breathing. Hitsugaya lay with his shorter body atop hers, head pillowed on her bulging breasts. His small fingers twined in her strawberry blonde locks, and she lazily ran a hand through his thick, soft spikes.

"I love you, Shirou-chan." Matsumoto purred like a cat full of cream.

Hinamori's heart twisted- that should have been HER saying that. Those large, mesmerizing turquoise eyes should be sparkling up at her. She covered her mouth with one hand, tears falling faster.

Hitsugaya straddled Matsumoto's hips, keeping a thin sheet around his slender, supple body. He kissed her softly. "I love you, too."

Hinamori's reiatsu spiked higher this time, and she did nothing to stop it. She gasped, sobbing, as daggers tore through her heart.

Aqua and blue eyes flew to the window. Hinamori squeaked and ducked. "Hinamori." Hitsugaya said softly, staring wide eyed at the open window. He was shocked and surprised, looking like he'd just seen a ghost.

"I never told her about us- I didn't think she felt like that about you. If I had known, I would've said something. But you were both in so much pain…"

Hitsugaya frowned. "Neither did I. I do love her, but like a sister. She's the only family I have."

Matsumoto cupped his soft cheeks, stroking her thumbs over the delicate skin. "She's still hurting."

Hitsugaya closed his large teal eyes and sighed. "I'll go to her." His long, dark lashes fluttered open and he kissed Matsumoto's cheek sweetly. "I'll be alright. I promise."

Matsumoto hesitated-Hitsugaya wasn't as well as he pretended, and she didn't want him in a potentially painful situation. After a moment, she held him close in her strong arms, letting him collect himself.

Hinamori ran, blinded by tears, both hands clutched to her chest. How could he do this to her? When had he taken up with Matsumoto? Surely, he had to know how loose Matsumoto was. There were no strings attached in her affairs.

Why would he choose Matsumoto over her? Grasping the front of her yukata, Hinamori laughed dryly through her tears. She didn't have huge, bouncing breasts, copper and gold hair, or wicked curves. Hinamori knew she was pretty in a cute, innocent bunny sort of way. She was rather plain. Cute, but plain, with brown hair and brown eyes.

She was nothing compared to the vibrant flame that was the tenth division fukutaichou. Matsumoto oozed sexiness. She was beyond pretty- she was gorgeous, in the full grown, Play Boy Bunny sort of way. Every man's wet dream come true. Of course, Hitsugaya couldn't resist a creature like that. And Matsumoto never tried to impale him on her sword.

That thought was a knife of grief in her heart. Hinamori wailed, choking on a sob. Not paying attention to where she was going, she stumbled then fell to her knees, thin body shaking with her cries, tears plopping like rain onto the cement.

"Hinamori." She jerked at that soft voice.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hinamori." She jerked at that soft voice. She coughed, wiping at her messy, wet face and looked up at Hitsugaya. His slender legs were bare; a large haori engulfed his slender frame. The sleeves were too long, coming way past his dainty hands, and the haori hem came to just below his knees. It was held in place by a pink scarf hastily tied into a messy sash. His thick, fluffy hair was in disheveled spikes. He had the I-was-just-torn-out-of-my-lover's-bed look. He wore Matsumoto's top and used her scarf as a sash to hold it closed.

His large turquoise eyes were a bright cerulean hue with an emotion she couldn't name. It wasn't the undying love she'd hoped for. This was the look you gave a whimpering puppy that had been kicked. "Go away, Shirou-chan." She turned her head away.

Hitsugaya frowned as he padded softly over to her then knelt down in front of his childhood friend. He'd always been there for her, and always would be. Even if he was exhausted with it. She took. She took and took and took until he couldn't give anymore. Not physically, but emotionally.

Still, he felt a responsibility to her. A long-suffering duty, like the paperwork that came along with the captain's cloak. She was older than him, physically, but he felt like her older brother. Someone who had to look out for her. She needed someone to, unlike Rangiku- she was strong. Her maturity, like her sanity, was highly questionable, but she could take care of herself.

"Hinamori, I'll always be here for you." His voice was flat- how many times must he prove it to her? "I understand you've been through alot, and are having trouble coping-"

Her head flew up, tear drops clinging to her lashes and watery, red-rimmed, brown eyes narrowed. "Don't patronize me, Toshirou!"

His hands tightened in the folds of Matsumoto's haori. "It's Hitsugaya-taichou." When had their relationship become so strained? When she began to serve under Aizen.

"Not to HER it isn't!" Hinamori spat the word out like a curse, and Hitsugaya stiffened. He wanted to defend Rangiku, but he couldn't bring himself to raise a hand or word against his little sister and best friend.

Hitsugaya stiffened, looking her square in the eye. "Rangiku is special to me. And I ask that you treat her with the respect she deserves."

Hinamori sat up a little straighter. Her tears had stopped, replaced by anger. She had to make Toshirou see the truth. Maybe he didn't know about Matsumoto's reputation, and she had to enlighten him. "You know she's been with other men. Many men."

Teal eyes narrowed, but she plunged on. Maybe she could salvage this, save him from himself. "Kuchiki-taichou."

He shrugged, the black collar slipping and revealing a pale, delicate shoulder. "She loves me." He stated simply.

"Abarai-fukutaichou."

"They're just friends. Drinking buddies."

"Izuru-fukutaichou."

A shrug. "I love her."

"Hisagi-fukutaichou."

Another shrug. "Again, meaningless, drunken one-night stand."

"That's been repeated multiple times."

He didn't look away. Contrary to her intentions, it was she who wavered, who broke first. Her resolution was crumbling. This last blow would wound even him. Hadn't she hurt him enough? No, she had to do this. For him. For them. For her own sake.

She raised her brown eyes to his aquamarine ones. "Ichimaru-taichou."

His small body didn't move- he didn't blink, twitch, or tense. But it was there. In his wonderful, beautiful, mesmerizing eyes. Their hues of blue and green shifted with his moods. He was a frosty little taichou, but everything- his moods, thoughts, feelings- were revealed in those captivating orbs. Right now, there was more green than blue. A light green tinged by dark blue- sea foam green with determination. "Matsumoto is with me now, and that's all that matters."

Hinamori flinched at his tone. It was final and brooked no argument. Tears sprang once more to her eyes. She sniffed, then buried her face in her hands.

Hitsugaya sighed. He knew, emotionally, she was still healing from Aizen- she would never get over her taichou. Even after she'd tried to kill him, he forgave her- he helped her. But what she wanted this time, he couldn't- wouldn't- give. "Hinamori, I'm sorry you had to find out about Matsumoto and I like that."

She shook her head. "B-but why her? I thought you'd wait for me."

Hitsugaya went to run his fingers through his tousled hair, then frowned when Matsumoto's too-long sleeves got in the way. Really, just how long were her arms? The covered his hands by a good several inches. He massaged his temples, fingertips covered by the black cloth. He didn't want to say it, didn't want to hurt her further. He wanted to let the fragile girl down gently, but she refused to take the hints. "What was between us died long ago."

"NO!" Her tears fell faster and her bony shoulders shook. "Shiro-chan! Aizen-sama's g-gone. It's just us again. We can-"

"No, we can't. You chose him, Hinamori. If he were to appear here, now, you'd go to him without a second's hesitation." They both knew it was true. She was trying to get over Aizen, but he would always be a part of her. Even if she didn't want him to.

"It's not true. I'm over him. Really! I'm- I'm me again. So we can go back to the way it used to be." Tears ran in steady streams down her cheeks.

"We'll never be that close again. That died when…it happened."


	4. Chapter 4

Ugh, sorry this one's so short, but 'tis all I got right now. Okay, guys, I just wanna take a moment to tell ya why I wrote this fic. I did not do it to bash Hinamori- I tried my hardest NOT to do that here. I did it because all the Hitsu/Hina fics I've come across either have happy fluff that completely ignores the whole Aizen thing, or Hitsugaya is the one getting his heart broken. I haven't read any heart-broken Hinamori ones, so I decided to write one, cuz that's what I was in the mood for.

So, if you like Hitsu/Hina, and angst, you might enjoy this. Hell, if you've made it this far, you probably are.

And if you don't like Hinamori, you'll probably enjoy the pain she's going through. Unrequited love doth suck, ne?

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"It's not true. I'm over him. Really! I'm- I'm me again. So we can go back to the way it used to be." Tears ran in steady streams down her cheeks.

"We'll never be that close again. That died when…it happened." She winced- he was referring to the night she tried to kill him. She lowered her head, hiding from his steady gaze. How could he be so calm, so accepting of such a deeply painful issue?

Realization hit her. Matsumoto. She'd lent her strength and will to Hitsugaya. Because of her, Hitsugaya had accepted what happened, dealt with the pain, and moved on. He'd healed from Matsumoto's heart, her touch. His wounds had turned into scars, and now he was that much stronger.

The trickle turned into a torrent. Hinamori curled in on herself, crying brokenly. She felt lost, alone and scared. Aizen-sama had abandoned her. Now, Shiro-chan had, too. She gasped when small hands gently framed her wet cheeks.

Hitsugaya held the bunched up ends of the long, loose sleeves in his slender fingers, using the black cloth to wipe away her tears. Hinamori could smell Matsumoto in the cloth, and it broke her heart. Her scent, sweetpea laced with sake, was all over him, marking him as hers. "Hinamori, I'm sorry. Even if I wasn't with Matsumoto, I still don't feel that way about you."

Hinamori's tears slowed to a trickle, her eyes wide and a bright brown as she stared at him, breath hitching in her thin chest.

"Sh-shiro-chan…" She whined.

Luminous turquoise eyes were dark with weariness. He stared at her for several seconds in a heavy silence. She hoped she was finally getting through to him. At her bright eyes and hopeful expression, he sighed heavily, hands falling to his sides, where the black sleeves fell to cover them. He rose to his feet, staring down at her as she gazed up at him. How could he get through to her? They were on different wavelengths- they always had been. "I really am sorry, Momo."

"B-but, I need you-" She reached out for him with trembling hands.

"No, you don't." He grabbed her wrists. "I won't be Aizen's replacement."

Hinamori clenched her fists, jerking her hands free; Hitsugaya let her slip out of his grasp.

"So, you're going to turn your back on me, too?" Her voice wavered, thick with tears and mucus.

Anger shifted the hue in his eyes, and his voice was tinged with frost. "I've never turned my back on you. I protected you, even after you tried to kill me. But still, it's not enough for you. It' never is. Only Aizen will do." It wasn't an accusation; it was a simple statement of truth. A fact. She'd never be over Aizen, and they both knew it.

"NO! I'm- I'm past him!" Her pitch rose in desperation.

Hitsugaya shook his head sadly. He couldn't bring himself to say "And I'm past you." It would be too cruel. "Momo, even in Soul Society, time waits for no one- it continues on. Things change. People change- they grow. Nothing stays the same."

She lowered her head, breaking eye contact. "Why couldn't you wait for me?"

"Because you never wanted me to. And it's not fair to ask that of me. I've moved on- what right have you to hold me back?" Hitsugaya stepped around her, so they were side by side. "I've told you this before. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Over the centuries, you've become like family to me. I'll help you, but not like this." He didn't look at her- those brilliant eyes were focused upon the sky.

Hinamori hugged herself, slumping over in a huddled ball as she started crying anew. She couldn't form words- she was sobbing too hard, in too much emotional pain. She wished she was still in that coma, in a blissful suspended mental state. She couldn't feel any pain that way.

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Review. You know you wanna.


	5. Chapter 5

Poor Momo. I feel like I was incredibly mean to her in this. I didn't do this to bash her- I just wanted some Hinamori angst and unrequited love. And since I couldn't find any, I decided to write one, instead. And yes, I enjoyed it. Because- other than bashing fics- I haven't read any where Hinamori gets HER heart broken. It's always Shiro getting hurt. So I decided to turn the tables and see what would happen.

And boy, have I gotten a mixed bag of reactions! Some say Hitsugaya's not being mean enough, others say he's being too mean, and still other say Hinamori's being the mean one! But it's all good- it's interesting. So let me know your take on it.

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Out of the corner of his eyes, Hitsugaya glanced briefly down at her with pity. She thought she was moving on, was past Aizen. He didn't have the heart to tell her how wrong she was. Yes, she'd accepted the fact he was a traitor. But she'd regressed, trying to go back to the way things were before Aizen. It was a mental safety net for her, because it was the only way she could cope.

Hinamori lacked the strength to pick herself back up. He doubted she'd ever heal. Matsumoto was strong- she'd been deeply hurt by Ichimaru's betrayal. She'd sunk into a deep depression. She'd grieved. But she pulled herself back together, got on with life. She glued the pieces of her heart back together, as best she could, and carried on. She didn't sob among the shards, too scared and weak to pick them up.

Hitsugaya, too, had been deeply hurt. By Hinamori's betrayal. He'd sunk into a deep depression, his heart broken by his best friend's belief, love, and loyalty to an obvious, admitted traitor. Her devotion went beyond sheer stupidity. It made him seriously question her sanity.

Hitsugaya had grieved. His comfort had come not from a sake bottle, but from Matsumoto's arms. She'd helped him glue the remains of his heart back together. He picked up the pieces of his life and forged on. Both he and Matsumoto had moved past their pain, wounds turned into scars. But neither one let go of the other's hand.

But Hinamori wasn't strong enough for any of that. Even the skittish Kira was doing better than her. Matsumoto had taught Hitsugaya how to stand on his own again, after she'd figured out how to herself.

Now, Hitsugaya would teach Hinamori. She needed to learn how to pick herself up. He would protect her, but he wouldn't carry her. She needed to move on, to heal. Even if just a little bit. In the end, nobody could save Hinamori except Hinamori.

Hitsugaya walked away without a backwards glance. He heard her sobbing softly behind him. Matsumoto welcomed him with warm, long arms and a gentle kiss. She held him throughout the night. For once, she was silent while he talked while they lay in bed together.

OWARI

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Yes, 'tis the end. I had fun writing this-maybe I'll do more Hitsu/Hina in the future. But it will be angst- that's the way I like this couple. I adore Shiro-chan to death, and Hinamori….she's cute. And excessively naïve- a little TOO naïve. Which is why I just can't resist making her angst. The temptation is too great.

'Tis like suffering a chocolate craving and having a Hershey's bar in front of you. Ya just can't help yourself.

And maybe there's a Hershey's bar hidden behind the pretty purple box. Click it and find out. You know you want to.


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